Father's Day

I could write a book about the love hate relationship I've had with my dad. The same man who broke my toys, flushed my fish down the toilet, burned my posters off my wall, called me a stupid ass, etc, etc, also still cuts my steak, stood in line for my books in college, rescued me when I was stranded in Highland Park and so on. So, I love him to pieces. But- why do I hate most men? Hmmm. Tell me doc? I love their cocks, kisses, attention. Wait- I need their attention. But, I also like hurting them. Oddly enough, some of my closest friends are male. I feel a strange competition with males though. I'm always trying to outsmart, out tough them.

Gotta run- mom doesn't want me late for Father's Day but this is just scratching the surface.

Turbulence

What a week. But- I feel good. I feel happy. I feel relieved. I'm back on my Lamictal. I'm accepting money for "listening". I'm dreaming of a better life. David still has me wrapped around his pinky. I saw him Monday and Wed and we did our usual dinner, followed by a trip into his hot tub, followed by sex which makes me feel good but never makes me cum. His life makes me sick. He makes more in a month than I make in a year and yet I tried sales and couldn't hack it. So- this week finds me almost 29 years old, realizing that time is running out. I am ready to sell my soul, do whatever I have to do to have the good life. I cannot go on much longer in a life of poverty. My existence is exactly what I swore I would never become. I look down upon my parents for never making anything of themselves despite their advanced degrees and here I am, almost 30 with NOTHING.
So- I know that I'm good at fucking, good at a mild amount of extortion and game playing so that is what I will focus on. I may not be able to sell a fucking printer or hold a normal job but if my life is going to be worth living it is going to involve nice material things.

This entry has irritated me. Back to chores.