Nope- not as fun as it sounds. The old habit being, my lack of writing and then my fear of writing because I want it to be good enough, even though the purpose of this was to write just to write.
Been having such a mundane aldult life, peppered with deep thoughts and emotions. Spending more time with mom, sis, and reaching out to dad. Spending less time with men. Declared celibacy which worked until I was seduced by a huge cock about a week ago. Anytime someone can show up with drugs and dick, I'm probably gonna be a fan.
Okay- I'm too shifty to do this right now-
Was complaining about being tired but now I'm jittery from the addy. It is a constant chase for the perfect buzz or distraction lately. I can't even focus on writing this and I promised my mom I would write a warm memory for her for mother's day. I'm good with material gifts but that is gonna take some work.
Last night I almost cried while I was getting fucked from behind from our newest member. I wanted the addy he had because I nodded off while driving Monday and was pooped yesterday and as much as I hate to admit it- I kind of wanted the company. I haven't cum in a while, although there is a bond being formed with E again and I think I might have this weekend sometime. I get so wet and because we are on so many drugs, sex always seems like a dream sequence. There is just something off and femme about him though.
So- I was freshly showered, worried about work, and bent over my tiny little futon getting railed from behind when I actually felt like I might cry. Not just because the sex was doing nothing for me, but because it wasn't distracting me the way I needed it to. Once, when David broke my heart the first of many times I was having sex with Eric and burst into tears. Nothing like getting dumped by the guy who refused to make you his gf and going to the guy who you
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